Archive for the 'Politics' Category

Politics? No thanks.

September 28, 2008

I made a decision when I finally (it only took like two years, right?) decided to get semi-serious about this here blog to not even bother or try to bother with politics again, not even the everlasting clusterfuck of corruption on Grant street here in Pittsburgh, as fun as that is. There’s better-equipped individuals already doing that.

That being said, and to clarify, I can write whatever the hell I want, ok? Get off my back.

But this comes up because of my crafty ole pops.

Exhibit Alpha:

Now if’n that isn’t the funniest political cartoonesque thing I’ve seen all week, I don’t know what is. Certainly not the whining, unfunny shit in every major city’s free weekly. I’m looking at you, Derf. The City.

Not funny. Irritating choir-preaching.

The exception, of course, is Get Your War On, as I have illumined before here, but Pittsburgh City Paper doesn’t get that. At least Savage Love is in there, explaining that inserting one’s testes into a partners orifice is perfectly acceptable sexual behavior.

So that’s that.

I watched the debate last night, and without going into it too much, our boy Obama needs to get a few more teeth in his head, cause good ol’ boy McShame has some razor sharp ones in his dentures. It was nice to hear that the “tie” came out for Obama, as far as the talking heads were saying, but I’d like to see just a little indignation. A little (more) accusation; the best moment was when Obama directly called out baldy for being wrong a numerous counts.

Thursday’s debate with Palin and Biden ought to be good, if only for the laughs I’ll get out of seeing a seasoned and grizzled DC dog run circles around Mz lipstick.

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Proof That Evolution is Real

July 1, 2008

Should anyone be surprised that patrons of Wal-Mart have difficulty with the modest task of fixing a bowl of cereal?

Of course not, but the cries of protest over new milk jugs emanating from betwixt bad teeth and multiple chins is emblematic.

Yes, here in America, everyone, from Clean Coal to Exxon is on the Green train these days, because it’s the right thing to do.

Just tell me, please, what’s green and when it’s on sale, I am all about doing my part.

By buying more shit I don’t need.

Like, maybe a car that’s a gallon or two more efficient. Take that, global warming!

The bus? Eww, no way! Black people ride the bus! And poor people! One of them might touch me!

What’s so funny about this article is not that the China-funding, poor-labor-practice-supporting, good ole ‘Mericans can’t pour a fucking glass of milk, it’s that this infinitesimal intrusion of temporary discomfort (unless the idiots never learn how to pour) has said red-blooded yankees all hot and bothered.

Sadly, this minute intrusion, as many Whole Foods shoppers will likely be happy to inform you, is not enough. That milk probably isn’t even organic.

Please, by all means, let’s go green, awesome!

Oh wait. You mean this will actually affect me? You mean this isn’t like sending a bible to a disaster zone? No one told me I’d have to actually do anything! I have comfort levels!

While the growing pains into a responsible and ecologically sound civilization may be moot (hey, there’s a good chance we’re already boned) we certainly won’t be lacking the accompanying moans of agony.

A prediction for 10 years from now:

“Well, it’s not fair, I shouldn’t have to plug the car in everytime I drive. And you know I don’t like the bus. It’s full of immigrants.”

In the words of Bill Engvall, “Here’s your sign.”

Maybe we’re better off boned, because gripes about milk cartons aren’t the first, won’t be the last and certainly won’t be the loudest.